Thursday, September 3, 2009

Wayne Rooney: Constipated or Diving?



Wayne Rooney, AKA Diving Shrek, Claims He's Not a Diver - Times Online

Monsieur Rooney, regardless of whether or not you're a diver, you are an idiot:

From the Times Online:
"Rather than rely on television evidence, Rooney feels the referee is the best person to deal with such issues, even if there are instances when he might get it wrong.

'It is difficult to prove,' he said. 'You see some that should not have been penalties but get given and others that are clear and do not. The decisions are down to the referee. It is a difficult job but they do the best they can.'"

Here's the actual conversation:

Interviewer: So what are you're feelings on diving and instant replay?

Rooney (nervously fidgeting with simian-shaped ears): Errrmmm, since I'm from United, Fergie is real strict about what we say about this in the media, since, uhhhh, you know (leaning in and whispering) *we're a bunch of huge diving pansies*.

Interviewer (cleaning spit out of ear): I won't tell. Do you think there should be instant replay?

Rooney (whistling at female intern who has just delivered coffee): Well, it's really hard to tell who's diving. So we should stick with the referees even though they're worse at telling who's diving and who isn't. They're trying their best. I mean, they only make game altering mistakes *some* of the time.

Interviewer: You're an idiot.

Rooney punches interviewer in the face.

PS: You're also a F***ing liar.

1 comment:

  1. Have you figured out how to dive in FIFA 2009? Not that I , uh, want to dive...it just seems like these steps are hard to follow on the PS3:

    1)Be sure to rid yourself of your dignity. You won't be needing it for this manuever.
    2)Ensure that you are near a player on the other team. Diving with nobody around will, at best, make you look like an imbecile.
    3)Time your dive. While one could dive with no contact, it is very difficult to make it look realistic. Diving is better used to emphasise a real challenge, making a legal tackle look illegal, then it is to make no challenge look like a foul.
    4)Go to ground. You want to throw yourself at the ground, in whatever manner you choose. However, ensure that it is consistent with the type of foul you are simulating. If you are faking a trip from behind, sprawl out forward. For a shoulder-to-shoulder challenge, fall sideways. To show a shirt-tug from behind, fall on your bottom.
    5)Fake an injury. This is where you get to emulate the professionals... holding your leg and rolling around in pain. Again, be sure the faked injury is consistent with the foul and the fall. For a slide tackle from behind, hold your leg, to fake an elbow to the face, grab your nose.
    6)When the referee takes whatever actions he deems nessesary, get up, limp for a few minutes (if you faked a leg injury) and get back into the game.

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